Do you recognize that? That once you start reading about a certain topic, it suddenly hits you. You are ‘one of them’, without realizing before.
School voor Eenzijn/ School for Being One
Recently, two guys, Sander Ritman (34) and Rene Waterreus (43), started in the Netherlands a school. Basically, it is a community of like-minded people that suffer(ed) in one way or the other from loneliness.
I never considered myself lonely.
But when I truly think about it (and dare to open my eyes during the big journey I started last year) I must admit I always felt like an outsider.
At primary school, there was always a certain distance to other girls. Usually, I was at the sideline.
I had trouble finding girls to play with, but not even sure whether I wanted. Often I forced myself, but somehow I only remember the disappointments.
But I was an outsider
So it was a kind of a weird mix between not wanting to reach out and feeling the outsider that no one liked. I had the idea that I should try to fit in, but I never did.
At high school, I started hanging out with ‘the boys’. That was the benefit of a small town with small classes: I was the only girl amongst a group of boys who took the beta science courses *
Life became easier.
I felt like one of them. Just hanging out, no need to share a lot. I felt accepted in a way. But still a bit of an outsider, as the only girl amongst all boys.
At university, things shifted again. I really missed my high school friends. I felt really alone in the ‘big’ university city Utrecht (which is actually very small with 350.000 inhabitants).
But it felt also like a new opportunity I had to take. I did not want to be an outsider anymore.
But the only strategy I knew was using my brains. My mind. My ego. For survival. And that is what I did. Studying and being serious.
And I made it. Through university. Got a Ph.D. degree. I just went on, and on. I worked hard, shutting off most emotions.
Which brought me where I am now. A respected job as Assistant Professor at a Dutch University.
But I was unhappy
I only realized this when my wake-up call of last year really hit in, after meeting my brother. This awakening really opened me up. Resulting in a full-blown experience of feelings, emotions, and intuitions.
He learned me how it is not only to think, but also to feel. That there is more to life.
I opened up
And started sharing things that are important to me. First to him. Later to others. And yes, it was terrifying in the beginning. But it became easier along the way.
I now have several people around me with whom I connect at a higher level. And with all of them, I share slightly different energy.
With none of them, I connect at all levels. But is that a bad thing? I don’t feel that it is…
Now I can reach out and get support from all of them when I need it. I feel unconditional love. And although I still feel like kind of an outsider, it is not an ugly feeling anymore.
So have I been lonely? Yes, but not anymore. Now I am becoming one.
After I made the inner connections between the heart, mind, and soul, I am becoming one.
And there is my connection to the School of Oneness. Becoming one.
* the education system in the Netherlands where you can – in addition to the obligatory learning trajectory – extend classes with a selection of foreign languages and history (alpha) or physics, chemistry, and advanced math (beta)